(My Summer!!) God’s Gift of Trials: A Training Ground

Well, in all honesty, this summer was quite hard to live through. Despite this, I wouldn’t change anything even for a second. God had a lot that he wanted to show and teach me during this time. This is exactly what I prayed for.

Just before the summer break I started dating. I was certainly caught off-guard by this because I really didn’t expect it. Circumstances made it so the timing and everything was perfect (if you want the story behind it come find me). God had orchestrated everything. There was no way that it wasn’t him. He confirmed it to me in several different ways.

At the start of the summer, I was invited by my girlfriend’s parents to come see them for a week in BC. As I was traveling there, I caught a “superbug” virus that lasted eight weeks. Despite this, God kept my focus on him he wouldn’t let it ruin my visit (even if I was very sick the whole time I was there). Everything succeeded as God wanted it to. Things went just as well if not better, then if I was well. I thanked God for allowing me to be ill because it helped me to remain focused, and that it had helped people to see certain aspects of myself that would be less apparent if I wasn’t sick. God used my sickness for his purposes.

When I came back from my trip to BC I still didn’t have a job and I remained jobless for a long time. Things started to stack up and I had so much paper work that I needed to do. Still God told me to trust in him. One day I got an invitation from my parents to come home and find work. I also found out that my Dad had some construction stuff for me to do around the house. The thing that really caught me off-guard this time was that they also invited my girlfriend to come live with us, because there were some job openings for her. My family are all strong Christians. They would never ask unless they felt that it was the right thing for them to do. But I still needed confirmation from God that this is what he wanted. I told my girlfriend and we prayed about it for a few days. During this time my girlfriend’s mom said that it sounded like a great idea (her family were also strong Christians). We were not using this to determine what God’s will for our lives but, it certainly surprised us. During those few days of praying God brought me to some scripture. It was the verse about taking up a pledge if a widow was to stay at a man’s house. God also shown me other scriptures that confirmed that this is what he wanted me to do. We went to my parents place with God’s blessing. There were far too many flukes for it to not be God (on top of all the personal confirmation that he has given me).

As soon as we get there, we start making a contract (pledge) that determines the rules behind these special circumstances. We were to be sleeping on separate floors; we would only sleep at the house when my parents were present; and we were not aloud in each other’s rooms etc. My dad didn’t have very much work for me around the house so I looked in the city for work. Still, there was nothing. Even my girlfriend couldn’t find anything. Yet, every time just before we decided to leave, God would answer our prayers. We would pray to have an interview by a certain date (and other various things) and God would grant it right before the day came on every deadline. He wanted us to stay. Every interview we got never went through, so we had no idea what t do about work. Stuff with my dad really started to stack up so he offered both of us work (there wasn’t very much before). We worked until we moved out in mid August.

The time spent there was very hard. We had to face many trials and testing. God told me, “Ok, this is what I taught you, now show me what you have learned”. This summer was spent moving stuff that I had learned throughout the school year from my head to my heart. Despite all the difficulty that we faced, my girlfriend and I grew closer and closer everyday. The relationship was under God’s surveillance and he taught us how Christian relationships should be. The summer was particularly hard because my family was under enormous stress, and life at home as a result, was not pleasant. Again this helped my girlfriend and I to keep our focus on God.

Many times in life God calls us to do and face difficult things. This helps to train us for what God wants us to do in his will for our lives. God’s will isn’t always pleasant as most of us wish that it is. We are called to face many difficult things for him, and that we accept his discipline. Discipline doesn’t necessarily mean that we’ve done anything wrong but, what it does mean is that discipline trains. It trains us for what we have to face in the future within God’s will. I’ve been praying that God would keep me in the training grounds as long as I need it that I may do what he wills for my life. This summer was exactly that, and I’m glad for it. God is so good. I’m honoured that he is training me. In one of many ways it proves me to be one of his accepted sons. After all, what father doesn’t discipline his son whom he loves? That would be a terrible father. And what about the sons? What kind of son would I be to God if I refused his discipline? I would have grown up being directionless, and knowing nothing about life as it is. A person like that would grow up having no role model in his life, and grow up to be a hellion (even if he may not see it that way). That is why we aught to always be open to God’s discipline throughout life whether we want to hear it or not.

I made a bit of money this summer. God has honoured my prayers by constantly putting me into situations where I would be forced to rely on him. As a result I am relying on him more and more everyday. It is slowly being embedded into every fabric of my being. He has never let me down, nor will he ever. Following his will for my life has always been rewarding, and looking back I am always glad that he has graciously allowed me to face everything in my life as it was. These difficult things have been a blessing to me, and will always be a blessing. I am very honoured that God would even consider me worthy of facing what I have in my life. A life surrendered to God is an adventure… an adventure that I will never want to miss no-matter what the alternative. I can hardly wait to see what the future has in store! After all, who else would know how one can live life to the fullest other then the creator of life itself?

Spiritual Retreat Speech

HERE IS THE SPEECH I GAVE AT THE SPIRITUAL RETREAT

Hello, for those who do not know me, my name is Andrew Kuefler. Today I will be sharing to you about a very important time in my life, when God had me move out. I was born and raised a Christian. My older brother had scarlet fever when he was 2 weeks old which caused a brain injury and mental disability. My Dad was in an accident in 2001 which left him physically and mentally disabled. I was home-schooled for most of my life. I endured trial after trial, but God was with me every step of the way.

I fully dedicated my life to God a few months after I graduated from high school. Before I gave my life fully to God, I was a mess. I would resort to video games whenever I felt depressed or stressed. My choices created a relentless cycle of depression where I saw no way out. My motivation was gone with no reason to continue fighting in this life. Many times I thought about suicide. I couldn’t see anything worth living for. In my brokenness, I remembered God’s promises, and everything he said he would do in my life. During that time, I almost dismissed those promises because I had no hope. As pathetic as I was, how could I even begin to consider God’s promises? At the time I regarded God’s call as impossible. I didn’t even want to try.

Things later changed when God blessed me with overpowering guilt. It hit me all at once and continued for weeks. During that time I was contending with God, and fighting him at every notion to change. I have never felt guilt like this before. It was enough to drive a person mad. But if that’s what it would take for God to change me, then so be it. God wore me down to the point that my will no-longer existed. I had no strength left to fight. It was then that I finally cried out to God, and asked for his forgiveness in everything that I’ve done. That was when I fully dedicated my life to him.

It was like a wave quickly rushed over me; like a new spiritual thresh-hold was breached. The very moment I finally dedicated my life to him, God opened my eyes to see things from his point of view. He raised the spiritual bar higher then it ever was before. The sin that I was caught in before became very intolerable. God revealed to me a way out of this pattern of living. That same day I destroyed everything that was holding me back and resorted to God instead of my addiction, to deal with my stress. Once I resorted to God to deal with my stress it was easier to leave my addictions behind.

God was testing me. He would ask me, “Are you willing to give up everything and follow me?// What about this area in your life?// Are you willing to give that up?”// God wanted me to leave everything that I had in the past and start anew.

God first, set my attention towards my relatives. They were severe alcoholics and frequently blamed my family for my Dad’s car accident. Somehow they believed that my Mom abused Dad and made him the way that he was. Can you believe that they got mad because my family turned him into “a God-fearing Christian”? Yet they considered themselves Christians. This was an easy step because they really weren’t a part of my life anyway.

Second, God had me look towards my friends. My friends cared for nothing except for their own gratification. To many of them, being a Christian meant you went to church once a week and were baptized as a baby. They considered themselves “Devout” because they followed their tradition more then applying God‘s word. They used their tradition as an excuse to do anything they pleased. In the past they would drag me down with them, and do things that they would consider harmless. To them, nearly everything was permissible. Nothing was in black and white. They frequently got drunk (although I have never been drunk) and hated me for everything I was good at. God let me know that my friends would only be a hindrance, and asked me to let them go.

Now, all I had left was my family. They were planning on moving away within the next couple of weeks. Then God’s next step suddenly hit me. I fervently pleaded with God, because this was the only support that I’ve ever really known. But every time, I pleaded, God would always have the same answer, “How can I teach you all these things that I have planned for you if you never leave your comfort zone”? My family was the only real comfort zone I had, and leaving them would force me to face everything that came my way. I was certain that God wanted me to leave my family. But instead of preparing to leave, I gave God a list. I told God that if he wants me to leave, he will have to find me a place to live, God would have to find me a full time job, and give me enough money to live on my own. At that time I believed that here was no way any of this would happen because I now had less then two weeks left to move out. I was dead wrong. The first place that I applied to I was hired on the spot without even an interview, and I was asked to start working the very next day, which would give me about the exact amount of cash needed to rent a place for a month. Regardless of God acting on my behalf here, I still had doubts. There was literally nothing available to rent in all of Camrose. God compelled me to check nearly everyday for at least one vacant spot. It wasn’t until the cut-off date that one single place became available, and there was no doubt in my mind that this place probably had a whole line-up of people waiting for it. I said, “ok God, if you want me to have this place then somehow you are going to have to deter everyone that wants this place and reserve it for me”. Being the gracious God that he is, he more then deterred people from my apartment.

Later I walked to the apartment. The sight of the place shocked me. Windows were cracked, the walls smelled like smoke, and most of the lights were smashed. Even the fire escape doors were either smashed, or had their knobs removed.// This was the only place available, and for some reason God handpicked it for me.

My rent was $750 but, I had no other choice but to accept it and trust that God knew what he was doing. I later overheard the manager saying on the phone, “By the way, I finally rented our problem apartment to some guy for $750!” Problem apartment? I thought, what am I getting myself into? I then heard him laugh as I was leaving. That guy really ticked me off, but I remained calm. That night God took me to this scripture: “When they hurled insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). “For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him” (Isaiah 30:18b). I gave up everything; my life, my home, my relatives, my conveniences, my family, my friends, and for what? To follow where God was leading me. This move proved to be more difficult than I had ever imagined. God took care of everything despite my reluctance to move into the slums.

When I moved in, I discovered that every part of my apartment was run down, and the condition of the place made it look like there were animals that lived by themselves unattended for weeks. I will emphasize my point by including a journal entry: I put my new groceries in the fridge, and when I came back from work, everything was frozen! I think my fridge is broken! So, I figured that I would cook something to eat on my stove, and go for a shower. When I was in the shower, I noticed that the drain wasn’t working- it regurgitated sewage, and wouldn’t empty for hours. Then I smelt something... smoke! I rushed over to my stove, and I realized that just below the elements was a bunch of garbage burning. The room was foggy, so I decided to turn on my fan... but it didn’t work very well. Then I unpacked my dishes and noticed something else... there were no sink plugs. I made a plug out of a cup, and washed the dishes. When I turned on the taps, the walls behind the sink started to fluctuate. Then I heard it... the plumbing behind the sink made a teeth-gratingly loud vibrating sound! I can now tell when anyone around me is using the taps. By now I was fed up with everything, and decided to get a “Good night’s sleep”. For the main duration of the night, all I could here was people arguing, cars zipping by, and the now dreaded sink. All sleep evaded me, so I decided to read the Bible. I opened the book to a few verses, “We live by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7), “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his sons. For what son is not disciplined by his Father?” and also, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:7,11). We endure hardship for our own good, so that God can train us. God confirmed to me again, that this is where he wanted me to be. (Psalm 9:10) “Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you”. I prayed that night for God to help me. I could not possibly see how I could keep going on like this. I had no support, no money, no food, no furniture, no appliances, nothing except for a bed, a desk, and a few dishes. The very next day, a Christian named Merril, came by my work place and made me an offer. I didn’t even know the guy, and he had no connections to my family or relational circles. Now, he had no idea when I was moving, my problems, or even what I needed; Merril just knew that I was moving sometime. He offered me right over the counter, a complete dining room set, cloths, towels, and even weeks worth of imperishable food (remember, my fridge didn’t work)! Merril said to me, “God set it on my heart to give you these things”. He then offered to give me anything that he had second of, without even hesitating, even a car if I wanted one. He said, “Make a list, and it’s yours”. He gave me everything that I was lacking, and then some. Only after he delivered it, he realized just how much he had helped me. He gave me his phone, and cell number, and offered to help me whenever I needed it. I was ready to cry, because I knew that this was God’s hand.

Now that I was here, what now? God firmly planted me in this spot. Now God’s training began. I tried by my own efforts to do God’s will instead of drawing from his strength and relying on him to do his will through me. I was trying so hard to do what God wanted me to do. All this effort was very draining and these were among the most difficult times in my life. The loneliness was the hardest to bear. After relying on myself for so long, I just done what came naturally. I did not know that I was relying on myself and not God. I trudged on for a while in my own effort until I eventually burnt out. I could no longer take it. I decided to return to my parents. That morning, I wrote in my journal my frustrations to God. I wrote this that morning, “It seems that the harder I try to be my best, to do everything right, the farther I push people away or deter them. When I try to please God, other hate me for it. I find myself chasing the wind as though it were something grand to obtain. I’m searching but never finding; caring yet misunderstood, steadfast and eager, yet never forthcoming; I know the will of the Father yet, lack the courage to carry it out. I am hated by my friends why? Because I would not delve with them into the same flood of dissipation. I would not do what they do. People would confide in me yet, hate me for what they chose to reveal. A kind gesture would be taken as means to question my motivation. I offer help and in turn am accused of attempting thievery”. That ends the journal entry. I felt that I could not even last one more day here. I did not know what to think. I thought, “would God take me all this way just to leave me in the dust?” I decided to announce to my work place that I could not work anymore after my current shift. While I was working that day, God spoke to my heart. Before he spoke I was feeling my worst; I felt deeply depressed, like I was ready to collapse. However, in that exact instant when he spoke to me, I was filled with his presence, and an unexplainable joy. He said, “TRUST IN ME”. This statement appeared to penetrate every facet of my being. I did not say this in my mind, or even think about it. I just knew that it was God. This changed my life forever. It taught me how to rise above life’s circumstances, and to recognize God’s activity. I quickly became a living testimony to (Philippians 4:13)“I can do everything through him who gives me strength”. From then on, I no-longer relied on my own strength and will, but on God who even now, works through me.

One of God’s most effective teaching methods is brokeness. Many times that is what it takes to get our attention and steer us in the right direction. God may keep on bringing us to this point until we finally give in to his will for our lives, and surrender our will to his. It is only through God, and by his power that we can live the spiritual Christian life. We are the branches, we do not create the fruit, but we bear it. We do not need to worry about the outcome. One person plants the seed, the other waters but none of this is important except for God who makes the seed grow. We are powerless in the Christian life unless we fully surrender to him. God knows what is best for us. We have two choices, we can either settle for the good, or we can settle for God’s best. Romans 12:1,2 says, “Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will”.

END

Music that would fit my life during this time, "Already Over" "Break Me Down" and "Lost" By Red

Pride Vs Boasting in God

It used to be easy for me to have pride. There were so many things that God has gifted me with. Decides, at the time I let my pride be used in such a way that it exalted me and made me feel better about myself. However, God never intended for me to use his gifts for my own self promotion. Pride quickly became a forced defence mechanism to pain. I used to resort to it to justify myself; to make myself feel more adequate. I highlighted my strengths while bandaging or ignoring my weaknesses. My weaknesses were hidden. Eventually when I fully surrendered my life (putting every aspect of my life into God’s control) to God, he had shown me that there is strength in weakness (1 Corinthians 13) through him. He uses us in our weakness when we rely on his strength in accordance to his will. Why does he do this? It brings him the most glory, and allows us to become a better example for him, rather then us relying on our own strength from which we could then boast of ourselves. He uses what is not, to nullify what is.
This then brought me to a thought. If God prefers to use me in weakness rather then focusing on MY strength (which would make me rely on myself) then how am I in any way adequate? I am by far inadequate, even in my strengths. God’s strength comes through our weakness. Let that circulate in your mind for a while. We find our adequacy only in Jesus Christ our Lord. What we have on our own is not enough to take us through the Christian life and through God’s will as we have been called. So, pride goes out the window, and about one thing I can boast: I can boast in the Lord! God has replaced my pride. Really, what reason do I have that I can even dare to have pride? Everything that I have is God’s. I am what he has made me to be. Boast in the Lord!

A Pattern of Problems, of Problems

In some ways recently I have been looking outside of God for my solutions to specific things. He has been showing me that the solutions and the ability to accomplish the solutions are only found in him. This can include things like the “nice guy” problem as an example. I can’t solve these things myself through my own strength. I may wish to look at what I want to be when all the solutions are brought about, but that only creates more problems. I have to trust in God’s perfect timing rather then trying to fix things about myself, myself.

I noticed a pattern in my last post that has relevance to how we can view virtually all problems related to self. I tried testing it by inserting other problems into the blanks:

_____ brings with it feelings of uneasiness and irritation whenever we are constantly put into the situations that we believe are making us _______. This alters our perspective and keeps us in a state of ______. This process will act kind of like a catalyst. Since we view the situation(s) as ______, we close off ourselves to the possibility of (regular interaction). This is because we are seeing the activity as ______ before it has the chance to be (the way we want it to be). It’s like breaking a TV before it has the chance to turn on. With a perspective like this we are in fact, setting the stage for more _______.

In other words, if we are aware of a problem and know how it is affecting ourselves then it will more then likely become highlighted to us. There will be subtle triggers whenever the possibility of the problem occurring comes up. Eventually, if it progresses, the problem will seem thick in the air and so evident to us that we will cease to be ourselves, and resort to other behaviour. The behaviour depends on the person. It may be that the person withdraws, gets drained, frustrated, silent, indifferent, etc.

This kind of pattern can also be evident in other people as a result of how we responded to our problem. If this is a consistent problem with us, and we are responding to it in the ways talked about above, then in a similar way, another person who has witnessed our behaviour shift (or even people who did not know what we were like before this) will view us based on our behaviour. We will become associated with that behaviour. Once again, there is a problem. It's escalated (by the same pattern listed above) to include the other people who witnessed the behaviour shift. They may now feel the uneasiness in themselves whenever we are present.

Now we may want to resolve this despite how it is effecting us. Here is an example: If we let a person know that we are down, that knowledge will highlight the problem and prevent normal interaction. They will know that we are down and thus treat us differently. Normally this would not be too bad, but because it is normal interaction that we long for, the problem will only be made worse. We are once again stuck. A way to respond in order to prevent this possibility would be to “defy the problem”. Normally we do not have the right amount of strength to go through this and the results will be very inconsistent even if we do. This kind of behaviour will also encourage the use of “masks”, and establish automatic “defence mechanisms” within ourselves. This kind of action is very taxing and does not work.

More evidence of this pattern is when we are gone from the situation or the circumstances that cause us the problems. Lets say that we were gone for a week. This will give us more time away from the problem, and its triggers will generally be far less, so these patterns will have less opportunity to occur. We will find it much easier to be ourselves and forget about the problems. When we return into the circumstances and situations that would cause us the trigger, we will perhaps be able to be ourselves (and more at ease) for a while, but when we become conscious of the problems once again, we will be stuck in the pattern.

The only real solution that I can come up with that can solve all of these problems is one thing… surrender. I have to pray and bring these problems up to God, and then trust that he will help me to deal with them in his own timing. I am giving up on trying to solve the problems by my own power and giving the problems to the only one who could help me with them. I noticed that whenever I give the problems to him and actually trust that he will take care of them, then I would have no reason to be constantly aware of the problems. It was no longer up to me to solve them. I cast my anxiety on Him.

“Stop comparing who you are to who you want to be, and step out beyond the surface” (Kutless)

Boredom's Resolution?

Man, I’m bored, and I’ve been bored for a long time. This got me thinking… what is boredom? What are its causes? What effect does this have on our psyche? Can this be a problem with our perspective? Can boredom be beneficial or is it always detrimental? How can boredom be viewed or used in relation to God? And of course the crazy question… how can boredom be remedied?

One of the first things that I’ve noticed with boredom is that if you do not want to be bored but you still are, it brings with it feelings of uneasiness and irritation whenever we are constantly put into the situations that we believe are making us bored. This alters our perspective and keeps us in a state of boredom. This process will act kind of like a catalyst. Since we view the situation(s) as boring or potentially boring, we close off ourselves to the possibility of being stimulated. This is because we are seeing the activity as non-stimulating before it has the chance to be stimulating. It’s like breaking a TV before it has the chance to turn on. With a perspective like this we are in fact, setting the stage for more boredom.

We long to rid ourselves of boredom because when we are bored at times, it’s seems like we are wasting valuable time and talent. We think of all the ways in which we can be doing things better then we are now. This gives us a further distaste of perceivable routine things.

It’s easy to get stuck in a state of boredom for long periods when we are consistently:

-Not doing what we want to do

-When we can’t do what we want to do

-When we crave what is out of our reach

-And when we are putting unrealistic limitations on ourselves, or when we see ourselves as very limited

If we feel like we cannot make situations or life less boring, then they will be boring! If this is true then we may get or be stuck in a longer enduring boredom until we change our mentality.

If we are arrogant towards what we can learn or get out of things (whether we can or cannot) then we are shutting out the things that could stimulate us. Our perception of things will be forcing us into this boredom, rather then allowing ourselves to be stimulated.

If we are defensive, and try to hold on to things as we believe they should be, or if we are at a point where we just don’t want to learn about ourselves, then we are keeping ourselves in a state of boredom. This is because we are putting strict limitations on ourselves, and to a certain extent, we stop learning. Yet, a simple answer may also be that we are simply not being challenged enough, so we may need to seek challenges closer to our skill level.

Boredom at times can also be a response to prolonged overstimulation, so I believe that it may be the body’s response to let you know that you need to take it easy. So we may just want to take it in and be bored. We can look back and see whether or not this is the case.

Regardless of the cause, let’s face it… we don’t like being bored! So when there is a possibility or gap in time when we can be bored, or if we feel boredom coming on we fill in those gaps with stuff that will keep us occupied in one way or another. Eventually however, if we find ourselves in a routine and consistently highlight its repetitiveness in our minds, it will eventually stop stimulating. We need a balance between over-stimulation and under-stimulation. However, if we pay less attention to how our activities are routine, we will be less bored.

On the bright side, boredom can bring out our creative side. It may create in us a desire to do something worthwhile with our time generally outside what we would normally do. We may seek new hobbies, expand our horizons, or the boredom may even force us to focus on things that we have been neglecting for a long time because we would no longer be in the fast lane of stimulation.

The "Nice guy" mentality

There must be more to life then mere subtleties; more then the emptiness of simply being nice and fitting the mould so heavily placed on us...
Is this our design? Was Jesus merely a nice guy?
What is there apart from the caricature of goodness; are we once again cultivated by, and thrown headstrong into a locus of fear; fear to go beyond the subtleties, to push ourselves back into a realm beyond merely existing? Surely there has to be more to life then existence; then the confines of excessive good and its many limitations as enforced by the common stereotypical schemata that Christians so readily accept. “Be like Christ”, “pursue holiness”, “Be perfect as God is perfect”. Does it say anywhere in scripture that we aught limit ourselves to being nothing more then nice? Yes, it is said that we do things all to the glory of God, but who is to say that we resist the image of God placed on us as humanity from the beginning of time? Niceness, and anything in relation certainly has its place but what of these gifted passions and desires that God has placed so deeply within us? What is authenticity? What is a man? A man cannot and is not restricted to being just a nice guy. Anyone who would view Jesus as nothing but a nice guy in character has a very skewed view of Christianity.

Jesus took great risks, Jesus was aggressive when the time called for it, Jesus’ life was an adventure. Is this a fitting description that is fully encompassed by the “nice guy” mentality? Or when faced with risk, does the nice guy in a sense, smooth off all the sharp edges, and limit his surroundings to that which is horridly safe? There is no passion or authenticity in that. What is found is a hollow emptiness that resorts to subtlety as a means of safety and a catering to fear that builds more and more in the dark recesses of their minds.

I will continue to update as I discover more about this.