In some ways recently I have been looking outside of God for my solutions to specific things. He has been showing me that the solutions and the ability to accomplish the solutions are only found in him. This can include things like the “nice guy” problem as an example. I can’t solve these things myself through my own strength. I may wish to look at what I want to be when all the solutions are brought about, but that only creates more problems. I have to trust in God’s perfect timing rather then trying to fix things about myself, myself.
I noticed a pattern in my last post that has relevance to how we can view virtually all problems related to self. I tried testing it by inserting other problems into the blanks:
_____ brings with it feelings of uneasiness and irritation whenever we are constantly put into the situations that we believe are making us _______. This alters our perspective and keeps us in a state of ______. This process will act kind of like a catalyst. Since we view the situation(s) as ______, we close off ourselves to the possibility of (regular interaction). This is because we are seeing the activity as ______ before it has the chance to be (the way we want it to be). It’s like breaking a TV before it has the chance to turn on. With a perspective like this we are in fact, setting the stage for more _______.
In other words, if we are aware of a problem and know how it is affecting ourselves then it will more then likely become highlighted to us. There will be subtle triggers whenever the possibility of the problem occurring comes up. Eventually, if it progresses, the problem will seem thick in the air and so evident to us that we will cease to be ourselves, and resort to other behaviour. The behaviour depends on the person. It may be that the person withdraws, gets drained, frustrated, silent, indifferent, etc.
This kind of pattern can also be evident in other people as a result of how we responded to our problem. If this is a consistent problem with us, and we are responding to it in the ways talked about above, then in a similar way, another person who has witnessed our behaviour shift (or even people who did not know what we were like before this) will view us based on our behaviour. We will become associated with that behaviour. Once again, there is a problem. It's escalated (by the same pattern listed above) to include the other people who witnessed the behaviour shift. They may now feel the uneasiness in themselves whenever we are present.
Now we may want to resolve this despite how it is effecting us. Here is an example: If we let a person know that we are down, that knowledge will highlight the problem and prevent normal interaction. They will know that we are down and thus treat us differently. Normally this would not be too bad, but because it is normal interaction that we long for, the problem will only be made worse. We are once again stuck. A way to respond in order to prevent this possibility would be to “defy the problem”. Normally we do not have the right amount of strength to go through this and the results will be very inconsistent even if we do. This kind of behaviour will also encourage the use of “masks”, and establish automatic “defence mechanisms” within ourselves. This kind of action is very taxing and does not work.
More evidence of this pattern is when we are gone from the situation or the circumstances that cause us the problems. Lets say that we were gone for a week. This will give us more time away from the problem, and its triggers will generally be far less, so these patterns will have less opportunity to occur. We will find it much easier to be ourselves and forget about the problems. When we return into the circumstances and situations that would cause us the trigger, we will perhaps be able to be ourselves (and more at ease) for a while, but when we become conscious of the problems once again, we will be stuck in the pattern.
The only real solution that I can come up with that can solve all of these problems is one thing… surrender. I have to pray and bring these problems up to God, and then trust that he will help me to deal with them in his own timing. I am giving up on trying to solve the problems by my own power and giving the problems to the only one who could help me with them. I noticed that whenever I give the problems to him and actually trust that he will take care of them, then I would have no reason to be constantly aware of the problems. It was no longer up to me to solve them. I cast my anxiety on Him.
“Stop comparing who you are to who you want to be, and step out beyond the surface” (Kutless)
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